Australia has its fair share of bastards. You'll encounter a few in this selection of tales, drawn from folklore and the stories of my family. The Australian vernacular is used throughout the book and a glossary of terms is provided for people unfamiliar with it. Some stories are not suitable for children.

Theo Thomas was a bad bastard. Every morning he'd get out of bed and give his dogs a hiding. Just to make sure they did as they were told for the rest of the day. Fond of the bottle too, he was, and when he'd had a few, fancied himself a bit of a philosopher. He'd stand at the bar and let fly.
'If you wanna get the best out of 'em, there's three things you gotta beat regular,' and he’d take a swig of beer then continue, 'your dog, your missus and your walnut tree'.
And some blokes, they'd laugh and egg him on with another drink, and some, they'd nod their heads and keep drinkin' in silence. One day, Theo's brother Tommy, joins his brother at the bar for a quiet one. And Theo turns round to him and says, 'You give your missus a good thrashin' yet Tom Tom?'
Well Tommy gives him this puzzled look and he says, 'No Theo. She aint done nothin' wrong.' (excerpt from Reason to Beat Your Missus)

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